Connell & Florence

Did You Listen To (0141)?

Iain — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 21:26:19 +0000

Did you ever listen to our Glasgow phone calls comedy (0141)? Do it. Just click the thumbnails.

(0141) “Motown” – The Latest In Our Glasgow Phone Calls Comedy Is Up On YouTube
(0141) “Compassion” – The Latest In Our Glasgow Phone Calls Comedy Is Up On YouTube
(0141) “Hobby” – The Latest In Our Glasgow Phone Calls Comedy Is Up On YouTube

Hey Robert

Iain — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 20:33:46 +0000

Roberto, do not change my lines. I cannot stress how important it is that you leave my jokes just the way they are. Those words came to me in a dream. They were delivered by an angel. A real one. They are part of who I am. You are playing with fire here and when you play with fire you are liable to get your fingers very badly blistered.

The Icon.

Hey Iain

Robert — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 01:54:16 +0000

Iain, man, great idea for us to communicate with each other via this blog. You’re right – texting is a bit of a hassle (having to carry your phone everywhere) and phoning is even worse (having to carry your phone everywhere), so yeah, great idea.

Just a few things today. I’m going to redraft some of those sketches, see if I can knock them into shape. I definitely think the term “confetti-chuff” will have to go, though, because it made me retch a bit when I first read it. I think “pinata-pooter” is much nicer.

Also, you were right about that shade of eyeliner. A bit too light for me. I’m going to Frasers to get my eyebrows threaded on Friday, so maybe you could come down too and help me make the right choice this time.

Ordered those skinny jeans you wanted. Apparently they can’t do those clear platforms with the goldfish in them (cruel, apparently) so we’re shit out of luck on that front.

Onwards mah man, see you at the steeple!

Roberto

The Connell And Florence Writing Office

Robert — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 12:50:46 +0000

Hi!

Some people have been emailing asking where it is that me and Iain write.

Well, we’re sitting right now in our office at the top of the Toolbooth Steeple in Glasgow Cross. That’s where all the stuff for Burnistoun Series 2 has been written so far.

So next time you pass by the steeple, give us a shout!

And thanks to Glasgow City Council for letting us do our thing at the heart of the city!

Guest Blogger Danny Glover: Come Up A Pipe With Me

Iain — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 17:36:22 +0000

(With Mel Gibson hogging all the headlines these days, we thought it would be worth mentioning that his old mate, Danny Glover, once did a guest blog for Connell & Florence. Here it is.)

Come up a pipe with me. Come on. It doesn’t have to be a special pipe. A good old concrete cylinder will do. It doesn’t have to be high enough to comfortably walk in either. If we’re hunched over, well that’s just fine. This “too old for this shit” back of mine can take being hunched over for a little while. Besides, we can take a pillow and a picnic blanket up the pipe with us and if we get a little uncomfortable we can sit or lie down and enjoy some of the wonderful cheeses in my possession.

That is if you want cheese. You don’t have to like cheese to come up a pipe with Danny Glover. Oh no. I mean don’t get me wrong, I adore cheese and when we’re up the pipe we have selected I will be discussing cheeses at great length. I may even read aloud to you my 50,000 word critique on the finest French cheeses and their startling influences on 19^th century European culture but an inherent love of cheeses is not mandatory for coming up a pipe with Mister Danny Glover. An interest in cheeses would obviously be preferable. Not for my sake. Heck, I don’t care. Once I’m up a pipe and I start waxing lyrical about the great cheeses of our time, you could drop stone dead right in front of me and I wouldn’t notice. Not until I had stopped talking about cheese anyhow, which would be a long, long, long time after you would have died of old age anyway.

I guess what I’m saying is that once we’re up a pipe I just won’t shut up about cheese, so if you’re not that into cheese or find the idea of six days up a pipe discussing nothing except the splendour of finely crafted cheeses boring then you probably don’t want to come up a pipe with Danny Glover. I mean, I could hold off for twenty minutes or so and maybe let you ask me questions about the special effects employed in my vastly underrated Predator sequel or something but twenty minutes is an absolute max for cheese silence. By the end of those twenty minutes I’m going to be bursting to talk about cheese. If I were to try and hold it off any longer I would be foaming at the mouth. I’d be like a rabid dog. And who wants to be in a confined cylindrical space with a rabid dog? Only someone of questionable mental competence, surely?

In fact, you know what? Maybe it would be best if we just forget the whole idea. Things might work out that we end up inside a really narrow pipe and I don’t think I could stomach having my face stuck in the rear end of someone who found the glorious cheeses of this world such a tedious topic of conversation. So, let’s just part ways and let that be that.

What’s that? You’ve been described as having a psychotic obsession with the Camembert? Well, why didn’t you say so? Come on. Let’s swing by my cheese cellar, find a glorious pipe and take ourselves for a walk.

(Only eleven photographs of Danny Glover remain in the world. Here they are)

No related posts.

OUR AMAZING PRINCE EXCLUSIVE

Robert — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 17:34:21 +0000

Hi!

We’ve managed to scoop the world with a leaked demo of a new Prince track about the internet!

A Word Of Advice On Mouth Disguises

Iain — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 00:17:44 +0000

If you’re going to disguise yourself as a mouth, make sure that the person whose mouth you are disguised as stands right behind you so it creates the impression that you are part of their face. If they don’t do this then you will simply look like a disembodied mouth and it won’t matter how realistic your disguise is because disembodied mouths do not go undetected.

I Love These Mans

Iain — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 22:25:46 +0000

These are the men who made me want to be a comedian.

For The Love Of Robert’s Postman

Broken Heart

Iain — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 22:05:01 +0000

It breaks my heart that Eddie Campbell has stopped updating his blog. It was the BEST.

If you’re a fan of indie comics, it’s just a treasure trove of great stuff about comic book art and comics in general. Go read it and see why my heart is in pieces.

Balloon Feat

Iain — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 21:49:23 +0000

Today, after many years of trying, I finally managed to kick a balloon through a solid brick wall. I am the first person in the world to achieve this feat.