No Update Today

Hi.

Just a quick update to tell you that there won’t be an update today. We’re simply far too busy to be wasting our valuable time writing inane bullshit in some vain hope that someone somewhere finds it entertaining. Frankly we just don’t give a fuck.

We don’t mean to offend you or anything, but you have to understand that we are both very busy men. Our heads are full of ideas, concepts and fantastical notions. It’s just a bit too much like slumming it to be crawling onto this site and making some kind of text-based update in the hope you fling a few comments our way.

When Marco Polo was climbing Everest, did he stop every few feet to scrawl a message onto some parchment and email it into the ether? No. He just carried on with the task. When Amelia Earhart sailed around the world solo, did he drive into a dock every so often to send a telegram back home on his Blackberry, even if he had nothing to say?

No, there will be no update today.

Do you realise that we are perfectionists? Do you realise that every post you see on this site has been redrafted at least 43 times? Do you realise that every word, even this one, and even that one, and even this one, and particularly this one, has been carefully selected from the most choice words available? Do you realise that we spend the nights tossing and turning, trying to think of something funny to say in the morning, when we should be making love with women? Do you realise the torture that our art subjects us to? Did you even realise that art exists?

There will be no update today.

We’ve written a poem about today’s lack of update:

NO UPDATE TODAY

There will be no update today
There is nothing left to say
No text, no poems, nothing
Go, be on your way

There will be no update today
Amuse yourself, my friend
All this is far beneath us
All this is at an end

You are rubbish
No offence, but you are
You don’t even know what it’s like
To have fallen from a star

Man up and grow a pair
Write your own update
Get your own blog
Basically fuck off, mate

There will be
No update
today
All to dust

And it’s true. There WILL be no update today.

No offence.

5 Responses to “No Update Today”

1. Allan says:

   July 22, 2009 at 12:38 pm

   If you two can’t be arsed to post an update then I’m not going to bother leaving a comment.
2. MisterM says:

   July 22, 2009 at 12:44 pm

   You sexy bastards.
3. David says:

   July 22, 2009 at 1:17 pm

   Fuck this wank, I’m off to Destructoid.
4. Kyle says:

   July 22, 2009 at 4:29 pm

   This isn’t a comment today.
5. Ross (87th, if you like) says:

   July 22, 2009 at 8:44 pm

   I am not telling you I love this